return my video game
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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