it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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