Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We need to get me chipped asap
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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