I got chris browned last night
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
