More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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