Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
