i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
