Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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