I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
