apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
