If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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