Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude i'm inner monologue high
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
