Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize