Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
