Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
