Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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