hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize