fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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