Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
