at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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