Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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