Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
