he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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