JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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