OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
