Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize