He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
