i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
