the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
