I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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