All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
