talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
