some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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