Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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