omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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