you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
