Duck Duck Cougar?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
