Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
