You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
