I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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