1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
