That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
