ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
