Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
