i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
