I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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