my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
