then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
