this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
