one word: firstdatebathroomanal
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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