Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
