All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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