You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
