I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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