I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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