I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
