mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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