hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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