i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
