Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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