wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
