I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
