If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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