Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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