I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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