That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
