Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
