Only a mothe r could love this liver
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
