Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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