He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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