y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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