Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize