Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
