So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
