I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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