You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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