After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
