I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
