I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
