Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
