No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
