You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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