At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
