O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
