he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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